英语经典幽默笑话

笑一笑十年少，有时候正儿八经的说笑话却觉得不好笑，可是一个很冷的.笑话却能让自己笑良久，你有这样的经历么?现在，一起来开心爆笑下吧!

英语经典幽默笑话一：A Second Opinion

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man...

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

英语经典幽默笑话二：Chicken jokes

Q: Why don't chickens like people?

A: They beat eggs!

Q: Why did the rooster run away?

A: He was chicken!

Q: What do chickens grow on?

A: Eggplants!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

A: He heard the referee calling fowls Q: Why is it easy for chicks to talk?

A: Because talk is cheep!

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?

A: A bird that lays down!

Q: What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?

A: She lays hand gren-eggs!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the "net"?

A: It wanted to get to the other site!

Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?

A: An alarm cluck!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road half way?

A: He wanted to lay it on the line!

英语经典幽默笑话三：Under The Table

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When hebent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' Reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."

英语经典幽默笑话四：Bucking Blonde

This blonde had a near death experience the other day.

She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving.

She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fast and got out of control, and the blonde couldn't stay on, she fell of, but her foot got stuck, and she was dragging on the ground.

She started screaming, and was in great pain.

Then the wal-mart manager came outside and unplugged the horse.